I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
