ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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