Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
