see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
