what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
