I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
