oh god the rape fog is back!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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