I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
