I can't breathe out the right side of my face
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
