Your mouth is God's brothel.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
