i would punch a child for taco bell
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
