Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
