It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
