I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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