JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
