How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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