Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
