Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
