Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Randomize
