the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
