what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
