If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
