Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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