what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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