Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
