u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
