I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
where are my eyebrows?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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