I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
