Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
