9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
