Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
