What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
