even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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