the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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