Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
