He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
