Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He shit in the fireplace
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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