i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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