being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
