It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
