oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
