he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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