Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
