I faked an abortion last night.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
