I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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