NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
