I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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