Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
