and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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