the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
