so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
