You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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