dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
