She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
