my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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